A gentle guide for parents of tween girls

The tween years can be a tender time for girls. Friendships start to feel more complicated, school pressures grow, and they begin to notice how they fit into the world around them.

During these years, confidence can wobble.

As parents, one of the most powerful things we can do is help our daughters build a strong sense of who they are — so that when challenges come, they know they can handle them.

Confidence doesn’t appear overnight. It grows slowly through everyday moments at home, at school, and in friendships.

Here are five simple ways you can begin nurturing your daughter’s confidence today.

1. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results

Instead of focusing only on outcomes, try noticing the effort your daughter puts in.

Instead of: "You got an A! You’re so smart!"

Try: "I saw how much time you spent studying for that test. Your effort really paid off."

When girls learn that effort, persistence, and trying again are valuable, they become more willing to take on new challenges.

Confidence grows when girls believe they can learn and improve — not when they feel they have to be perfect.

Try this: This week, notice when your daughter is putting in effort. Name what you see:"I love how you kept trying even when that got tricky."

2. Let Her Work Through Problems

When our daughters come to us upset about a friendship or school problem, our first instinct is often to fix it.

But confidence grows when girls discover “I can handle this.”

Instead of immediately offering solutions, try guiding her with questions:

• “That sounds really hard. What do you think might help?”

• “What are some things you could try?”

• “What would make you feel better about the situation?”

  
  

When girls are supported to think through challenges themselves, they build problem-solving skills and trust their own judgement.

Try this: Next time your daughter brings you a problem, ask a few questions before offering advice. You may be surprised by the thoughtful solutions she comes up with.

3. Show Her That Mistakes Are Part of Growing

Many girls become very hard on themselves when they make mistakes.

One of the best ways we can help is by showing them that mistakes are normal — even for adults.

Let your daughter hear you say things like:"Oops, I forgot to send that email. Oh well, I’ll fix it now."

You can also share stories from your own childhood about times things didn’t go to plan.

These moments teach girls something powerful:

Mistakes aren’t something to be ashamed of — they’re how we learn.

Try this: Share a story from when you were her age about a time you struggled or something didn’t go your way.

4. Give Her Opportunities to Feel Capable

Confidence grows when girls experience the feeling of “I did that myself.”

Simple responsibilities help build this sense of capability. For example:

• Making her own lunch

• Planning a family movie night

• Organising her school bag

• Teaching a younger sibling something she knows

  
  

When girls are trusted with real responsibilities, they begin to see themselves as capable and independent.

Try this: Choose one task your daughter can take full ownership of this week. Let her do it her way — even if it looks different from how you would do it.

5. Help Her Find Her Voice

A confident girl knows that her thoughts, ideas, and feelings matter.

You can help your daughter practise using her voice in everyday situations:

• Let her order her own food at restaurants

• Encourage her to ask teachers questions

• Ask for her opinion on family decisions

• Talk through what she could say if a friend pressured her to do something she didn’t feel comfortable with

  
  

Practising these moments at home helps girls feel more confident speaking up in the world.

Try this: Invite your daughter to share her opinion on a family decision this week — and show her you truly value what she has to say.

Remember…

Building confidence isn’t about making sure our daughters never face challenges.

It’s about helping them learn:

I can try new things.I can get through hard moments.My voice matters.I am capable.

Confidence grows through hundreds of small everyday moments where girls feel supported, trusted, and believed in.

And the beautiful truth is — we don’t have to get it perfect.

We just need to keep showing up.

Want More Support?

At My Remarkable Self Australia, we work alongside parents to help girls aged 8–13 build confidence, understand their emotions, and develop strong, healthy friendships.

Our programs focus on helping girls:

• build genuine self-confidence • navigate friendship challenges • understand and manage emotions • communicate clearly and kindly • develop leadership and resilience • Self-care and well-being

Learn more: www.myremarkableselfaustralia.com.au

Instagram: myremarkableself_australia